From the stockpiling of medicines to the price of fish, Brexit is affecting
every aspect of our daily lives.
Yet a remaining grey area, should we crash out with No Deal, is that of how
the UK will be able to safeguard current European levels of underwear cleanliness.
Froghill Health Authority has decided to take action on the issue, ahead of
March 29th, putting in place new legislation based on existing EU hygiene
standards. This legislation is to be enforced by a ‘hands-on’ policing policy.
From tomorrow, a new, elite team of officers will be arriving at Froghill
police station. The Pants and Underwear Fragrance and Freshness Squad (PUFFS) comprises
12 men and women, each chosen for their highly developed sense of smell.
To qualify as squad members, officers must undergo a rigorous training
regime, similar to that required of a sommelier. They should be able to identify
a range of odours under ‘blind testing’ conditions and are required to spend a
two-week period wearing full-face helmets packed with used undergarments.
From February 1st, PUFFS teams will have the power to stop and
sniff at random. Inspections will involve officers donning blindfolds, crouching
down and inhaling groinal scents for up to 30 seconds at a time.
Penalties will range from an on-the-spot wire brush and Dettol
scrub for a first offence, to a maximum of five years’ hard laundry for repeat
offenders.
“You could say that we will be operating a ‘crack’ team,” said Detective Inspector Alan ‘The Hammer’ Hardman, before adding: “that was just my little joke.”
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