The clown
whom police consider responsible for a series of attacks in the Froghill area has struck
yet again.
The latest incident
occurred during yesterday morning’s service at St. Alfege’s church, just as the
Reverend Lionel Hassock had begun the week’s reading.
“My text was
taken from Revelation, Chapter 8,” said the Reverend Hassock, “concluding with
verse 13, which reads: ‘Woe! Woe! Woe to the inhabitants of the earth.’ I was
intending to relate that particular verse to Boris Johnson’s tenure in Downing
Street.
“I had got
to verse 6: ‘Then the seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared to
sound them’ and continued into verse 7, ‘The first angel sounded his
trumpet….’ when I was interrupted by several loud parping noises, which seemed to be coming from the back of the church.”
Instead of
seven apocalyptic angels, each equipped with a trumpet, the faithful of St.
Alfege’s turned to find an odd-looking man brandishing a
squeeze-bulb horn.
“He
was dressed in a bowler hat, wig, baggy clothes and oversize shoes and shouted
the words ‘Zeferelli is the spawn of Satan!’ three times in a loud voice,” said
the Reverend.
“Then
he bent down and squirted one of the congregation with water from a flower in
his lapel.”
After
launching a paper dart, which flew the entire length of the aisle and landed at
the foot of the pulpit, the intruder turned and waddled out of the church,
parping his horn as he went.
Quickly
pocketing the projectile, the Reverend Hassock composed himself and continued with
the service as best he could.
Unfolding the dart in the vestry after the end of service, the Reverend found himself
staring mystified at the following:
WHAT’S GREY
AND COMES IN PINTS?
Were you among
the congregation at St. Alfege’s yesterday morning? Do you know the answer to this latest riddle? If so, contact Froghill Police on 0372 51111. Calls will almost certainly be recorded, as someone from IT has finally fixed the answering
machine.
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