ROBOT CAT IN GLOBAL TAKEOVER BID

A therapeutic robot developed exclusively in Froghill is to go on sale later this week.

Inspired by Paro, an automated baby seal produced in Japan in the 1990s, the Feline Robo-Electronic Device is designed to bring comfort to the elderly and those suffering from anxiety or depression.

Fred comes equipped with multiple 64-bit processors, six tactile sensors, touch-sensitive retractable claws, a 'Miaomatic' voice synthesizer, a multi-gusset Neoprene bladder and a self-replenishing fur ball generator.

“Fred will display all the qualities of a living cat,” said developer Dr. Ethan Mudlark of the Froghill Artificial Intelligence Laboratory (FAIL).

“We anticipate that it will appeal to people who want to own a pet but who, for reasons such as infirmity, insanity or the tendency to eat them, cannot care for living animals.”

Fred, available online from this Thursday, will shed hair, scratch the furniture, spray noxious liquid and inexplicably disappear for days at a time. It will also be capable of hiding partially deceased rodents under the bed in the spare room.

Designed for maximum durability, Fred will be resistant to dogs, children, cooking oil, fire, hammers, plastic explosives, rattlesnake venom, mass hysteria, a no-deal Brexit, TV baking contests and being strapped to the landing gear of a fully laden passenger aircraft.

“While Paro was a success in both therapeutic and commercial terms,” Dr. Mudlark told the Observer, “we hope that Fred will prove an even bigger hit, due to the cat’s historic familiarity as a domestic animal.

“We confidently predict it becoming the most popular robot pet in the world.”

Fred will cost £378,000 plus VAT and is available by logging on to www.fail.co.uk/FRED. Terms and conditions apply.