WANTED: A LITTLE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS

Froghill resident Tilly Banstead got less than she bargained for as she sat down to her morning breakfast cereal yesterday. For the semi-skimmed milk, which she had bought while out shopping the previous day, refused to emerge from the container.   

“It was really odd,” she said, from her Chestnut Rise home, “I had the open carton tilted over my cornflakes but nothing came out. Instead, I could hear faint cries of ‘No! I’m frightened!’ coming from inside.”

Ms. Banstead, it turns out, is one of a growing number of people who have recently made a purchase of nervous milk. Most, if not all, of the produce from Wednesday evening’s milking at Rayling’s Farm appears to be affected.

Contacted by the Observer, farm owner Joshua Rayling said: “The herd got a scare on Wednesday afternoon when a dog exploded on the footpath that runs through their field.”

The sudden shock seems to have seriously upset the cows, resulting in the shelves of Froghill’s shops and supermarkets becoming stocked with timorous milk products.

“In the end, I did manage to get the milk to come out of the carton, it was just a question of speaking nicely to it,” said Ms. Banstead, as she sipped her morning latte.

She recommends patience and kindness to anyone who might find themselves with some nervous milk or yogurt in the fridge.

“You have to coax it, as if you’re talking to a puppy who’s unsure about going into the sea for the first time.”

Have you had an amusing or unusual experience with dairy products? Then why not share your story with our readers? Email your stories to http://www.froghillobserver.co.uk/scarydairy or call our Mental Milkline on 0372 55055. Calls cost £372 per minute, standard rate.