For the past couple of weeks, drinkers at Cheetingham’s Peek-A-Boo Inn have
been nonexistent, following an evening of supernatural goings-on which cleared
the old pub in under half an hour (Observer,
June 7).
Since then, things have settled down somewhat, though life is hardly
normal for proprietors Jim and Dolly Bladder. Unexplained cold spots in the
public bar, a cider tap which either cannot be turned on or cannot be turned
off and the pervasive odour of pork pie have all had the couple at their wits’
end.
“We’ve only been here for about a year and we’ve spent a lot of money on
the place,” Jim told the Observer
from the deserted Lounge Bar, “so we decided we’d better do something quick before
we went bankrupt.
“Only thing we could think of was to go online and hire a medium.”
Madame Mirella duly arrived yesterday evening and wasted no time in
identifying the best spot to conduct a séance.
“She set up near the window, next to that seat that gets hot for no
reason,” said Dolly.
“She told us that was the place where the portal was widest open. Said we
should sit with her and join hands. Then she closed her eyes and dozed off to sleep.
“Her mouth dropped open, ever so undignified, and I was afraid she was
going to dribble all over her blouse.
“Then she starts moaning and, next thing I know, there’s this voice
coming out of her. Man’s voice it was, same one that talked about pork pies
that awful evening.”
Madame Mirella, it appears, had made contact with Alf Lamplighter, who
passed away three months ago after an interview with this paper on the occasion
of his 110th birthday (Observer, March 11).
“When the voice came through, it sounded like Alf alright,” continued
Dolly, “he said he’d come back because he didn’t like one or two things about
the way we were running the pub.”
The ‘hot seat’, he informed the trio, was his customary place in the bar,
one which he had occupied for over 50 years.
“Alf said he didn’t want no-one occupying that seat,” said Jim, “said as
how we should keep it vacant in his memory. Also, he didn’t reckon this new cider
we’ve had put on. Wanted us to go back to Ramsden’s Old Scroat, the one they used
to serve in his day. And he asked us to put his Chumping certificates back on
the wall behind the bar, where they used to be.
“Said if we did all that, he’d keep quiet and wouldn’t bother us
anymore.”
Asked whether there had been any further communications from the other
side, Dolly replied in the affirmative.
“Alf said he was sorry about the horseshoe hitting poor Ron Spike on the
head and knocking him out. Said he’d only intended to move it about a bit, just
to put the wind up folks, never intended for it to drop.
“Oh, and he also thanked your journalist for putting his dentures back
in, after they fell out when he passed on.”
* Madame Mirella is a City and Guilds Level 2-qualified clairvoyant who
is available for séances, exorcisms, weddings, baptisms, conferences, birthday
parties, stag and hen nights, coach trips, Star Trek conventions and balloon
sculpture events. She can be contacted on 0774 993 1871, until such time as the
deportation order takes effect.
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