Last night’s performance of Jurassic Park ended in uproar after the cast of chickens, in character as velociraptors, attacked an audience member.
The resulting fracas at the Simon Fanshawe Memorial Hall left over a hundred people in need of medical attention. All thirty of our young visitors from Jument sur Mer were among the injured.
The disturbance occurred during the famous kitchen scene, when the chickens were onstage as a group.
“Apart from one moment when the stegosaurus forgot his lines, things were going really well,” said FADS director Florian Dither, “the raptors were prowling the kitchen, the children were hiding behind the counter, it was electric. You could have heard a pin drop.
“Then a latecomer walked in and all hell broke loose.”
The latecomer was farm worker Stephen Rayling, who quietly tiptoed to his seat in the front row. After he sat down, the chickens became visibly agitated. They flapped off stage, screeching loudly, and made straight for him.
“Each bird is fitted with a DinoSonic voice synthesiser and wears a tungsten carbide raptor mask.” said Mr. Dither, “They look and sound pretty convincing. The poor man was obviously terrified.
“They jumped up onto his legs and started pecking at his groin. Believe me, those masks have really sharp teeth - they must have done him a terrible mischief.”
In a frantic bid to shoo the chickens away, Mr. Rayling flung out his arms, sideswiping the people on either side of him. This caused them to topple over and crash into those behind, creating a domino effect which swept down the hall. In a matter of moments, the audience was reduced to a tangle of flailing limbs and folding chairs.
Paramedics were on the scene within minutes, treating most of the injured where they lay. Mr. Rayling was rushed to the Scrotal Perforations Unit of Froghill General, where he underwent a four-hour emergency operation. He remains in critical condition.
“Mr Rayling must have come directly from work,” said chief surgeon Dr. Nathan Toploder, “because when we removed his trousers, we discovered that his pockets were full of grain. That must have been what drew the chickens to him.
“I’m sure not even Mr. Rayling imagined he was so far up the pecking order!”
If there is an upside to these unfortunate events, it is that Mr. Dither was on hand with his mobile phone. He has submitted the resulting photographic evidence to Guinness World Records, in an attempt on the record for the number of people injured in a domino effect.
The previous record was set in Braşov, Romania, in 1986. On that occasion, a drunken tractor mechanic went beserk with a salami and flattened 79 people who were waiting in a bus queue.
No comments:
Post a Comment