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IF YOU ARE HAPPY BEING POOR, DO NOT READ THIS!

Are you sick of just about making it from pay day to pay day? Do you worry about being able to pay your bills? Are you constantly in the red? Does the idea of Christmas and birthdays reduce you to panic?

Two years ago, I was just like you – a useless nobody: spotty, ugly, lonely and broke. I had no wit, no charm, no friends and a bad case of halitosis. I lived in a council house with an outside kitchen and an old Ford Capri up on blocks in the garden. I ate lard for every meal and was always behind with the rent.

Even working 80 hours' overtime a week, my job as a council excrement segregator barely made me enough to survive.

Now I have a 6-bedroom house, a Lear Jet, a Rolls Royce and a kidney-shaped swimming pool stocked with performing dolphins. I stay in 7-star hotels wherever I go. I can boast a magnetic personality, flawless looks and a gleaming smile. I have a beautiful Brazilian wife, good-looking friends and I’m on nodding terms with Liam Gallagher.

Now I know what you’re thinking. How on earth did I do it?

The answer is simple - I sold my soul to the devil.

Now many people think doing that involves going down to the crossroads at midnight and playing the guitar. Or reciting the words of the Lord’s Prayer backwards. Or chalking pentagrams on the floor while wearing goat’s horns. Well, they’re wrong and that’s why they’re still poor.

Only I know the secret of making a deal with Satan - but the good news is that I’m willing to share it with you. Once you know the right invocation, success will come just as soon as the words have left your lips.

Fame, success, wealth, beauty, a baby’s arm holding an apple – anything you desire can be yours for the taking.

So ask yourself this simple question: Do I Really Want To Be Successful?

If your answer to that question is ‘yes’ then don’t delay, send for my Faustian Pack today. It contains everything you need to summon up the Dark One and make him an offer he won't want to refuse.

Send £250 to Yes! I’m gullible!, PO Box 666, The Cayman Islands. Please allow at least 2 years for delivery.