The solution to traffic
congestion the world over could be in the hands of an inventor from Froghill.
Durwood ‘Doc’ Pigeon, who currently
has patents pending for a rotary meat injector, a self-inflating colonic bulb, non-corrosive
hamster paste and sycamore ice cream, has developed a machine which will allow
cars to become portable.
“It’s easy -
you just suck them dry,” he said.
“The idea came
to me last Christmas, as I was vacuuming gravy off my wife’s lap during the
Queen’s Speech.”
Doc’s
invention, the HydroVac 1000, is constructed from a wheeled shopping basket, a battery-powered
suction pump and a length of washing machine hose with a plastic funnel in one
end. The whole thing is designed to fit easily into the boot of the average
family car.
Among the whirrs,
chimes and pings of his lab, the 57-year-old gave the Observer an exclusive demonstration of the device intended to
revolutionise the way we travel in the twenty-first century.
“I attach
this to the windscreen, so,” said Doc, gesturing with the funnel, “and then set
the control on the pump to ‘Dessicate’. This sucks all the moisture out of the
vehicle and deposits it here, in Compartment A.”
Lifting the
flap on the top of the basket, he indicated a two-gallon plastic container lodged
inside.
“Once the
vehicle has been thoroughly sucked, a pile of granular material will remain –
this contains the dried metal, rubber and other components of the car. This material can
be gathered up by means of the Sweep Motion Particle Collector and deposited
here, in Compartment B.”
Doc pointed to
a dustpan and brush taped to one side of the basket and an empty breakfast
cereal box wedged in next to the plastic container.
“As you can see, operating the HydroVac
1000 is child’s play and the whole process should take no more than five
minutes.
“In the future, when you get stuck in
a traffic jam, you’ll simply get out of your car, dehydrate it and store it. Then
you walk, pulling the machine along behind you. At the end of the traffic jam,
when you wish to ride in your car again, you just add the contents of
Compartment A to the contents of Compartment B, stir them together with a
teaspoon and voilà! there’s your car.”
Trials of
the HydroVac 1000 are scheduled to start on the notoriously traffic-clogged freeways
of Los Angeles at the beginning of next month.
Asked
whether having one’s entire car stowed in a wheeled container might not make life
easier for thieves, Doc smiled indulgently.
“I thought
you might ask that,” he replied, pointing to an attachment on one side of basket.
“You see this rack here, just below the Sweep Motion Particle Collector?
“That’s where
you keep the baby crocodile.”
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